Do you spend a lot of your free time alone? Do you end up doing more things by yourself than with others? This is more common than you may think. And there is no problem with it unless you have a problem with it. But most people living this way do have a problem with this much alone time. So this article will give you a beginners guide to being a loner. We’ll touch on seven steps to embracing the power of being a loner.

Step #1   Realize that Being Alone And Being Lonely Are Different

I used to get lonely when I was alone. I desperately wanted to have more friends and a girlfriend. But now that I’m increasingly connecting with my authentic self…I enjoy being alone. I get more done when I’m alone. I can have a great time by myself. The key is working to more accept yourself and not be as focused on getting others to accept you. Because as you more learn to love and accept yourself, then others will accept you more easily. And you will more enjoy your alone time without feeling lonely.

Step #2     Stop Hanging Out With People Who Leave You Feeling Shitty

Most of my life I was painfully suffering from severe social anxiety. This lead to me being ‘friends’ with pretty much anyone who would spend time with me. The problem was that I was such a push over, people-pleaser, that many of these people would take advantage of me. They’d have me do all this stuff for them but then they were never really there for me. But as I separated from people like that I found less drama in my life. I found more enjoyment and I then connected with better people along the way. So evaluate who your friends are right now. Notice how you feel after you hang out with them or after you talk on the phone with them? If you think you’d feel better by yourself…trust that feeling.

Step #3     Remove Shiny Object Syndrome From Your Life

This has become a problem for most people. You sit down to read a book but then you get a text, or a Instagram ping, or an ad pops up as you are reading a blog post. And when you respond to all those distractions,  you are letting your attention and time be sucked away from you. When you are doing things by yourself, do things you want to do or need to do. Don’t let those distractions steal your time and energy.

Step #4    Start a Morning Ritual

When you get up in the morning, do you have a set morning routine? Everyone seems to. But most people’s routine is just simple shit they have kind of always done. But most high achievers have reported having a specific morning ritual for the first hour of their day. For me, I take a cold shower, mediate briefly, make my bed, do a breathing exercise and set intentions for my day. Pick five to ten things like that to become your morning ritual. And after awhile you won’t be able to start your day without it. This allows you to have small wins at the start of the day. And it builds your confidence during your solo time. Plus you’ll just gain more respect and responsibility over your time.

Step #5     Replace Bad Habits with Good Ones

You know when you are doing things you’d be better off not doing. You know when you’re being lazy, drinking too much, eating too much junk food, spending too much of your money. Now pay close attention to those behaviors. And when you own up to them, start to use your discipline to stop wasting as much energy and time with them. Well then you can smoothly begin to replace those bad habits with good habits. That could be by eating more healthy foods, getting proper sleep, reading books instead of watching tv or drinking tea instead of alcohol.

Step #6     Discover & Develop Your Strengths

Most of us haven’t truly connected with and begun to develop our individual strengths. But as you go through the first five steps, it will be a far more smooth process for you. Notice when people mention you are good at something. Notice things that come easily to you. Maybe you’re really good at something that you’ve always been good at so you don’t think about it. Like maybe you’ve always been good at managing your money. This may not seem like it to you but that is part of the strengths of being about to pay attention to details and resist temptation to blow all of your money. To take a free test to determine your personal strengths…click here.

 Step #7       Cultivate Passion

As much as you may want passion to just fall into your lap…I’m convinced it doesn’t work that way. Author Cal Newport helped me understand that passion is build, not found. You see, passion comes from applying effort toward a particular skill or activity, and when you put in more time, and as you get better at it, you become more interested in it and you therefore develop a passion to become the best you can at that skill or activity. So it is essentially the process of turning a curiosity into an interest, an interest into a hobby. And then through the process of practice and getting better…you turn that hobby into a passion.

Final Thoughts

Following this seven step process will steer you in the direction of being able to embrace and enjoy being a loner. And as you learn to embrace the part of you that is a loner, you are able to notice your self-respect, self-love and self-confidence all increase from this process. And this will allow you to be more productive while having more enjoyment during the time you do spent with other people. And to check out Cal Newport’s book ‘So Good They Can’t Ignore You.’ Click Here.

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Beginners Guide to Being a Loner

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